


Cold and Broken Hallelujah

by anidear



Series: Conversations in the Dark [5]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Alpha Jason Todd, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Heavy on the angst, M/M, Omega Dick Grayson, The one where Dick dies in childbirth, just a lot of sad, no beta we die like jason todd, okay?, or at least some comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27599146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anidear/pseuds/anidear
Summary: What if James' birth went just a bit differently?This is an AU piece for this series that was requested.
Relationships: Alfred Pennyworth & Jason Todd, Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne
Series: Conversations in the Dark [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877254
Comments: 13
Kudos: 99





	Cold and Broken Hallelujah

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TeenDarling2301](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeenDarling2301/gifts).



> This was requested by a commenter and I am to please when it comes to angst. This is what it would have looked like immediately following James' birth had Dick not survived.
> 
> Also completely unedited. I will comb through it in a bit for errors, but I just wanted to get it posted before I had to take my gremlins to bed.
> 
> End notes explain the experience Dick had in labor and where the inspiration came from.
> 
> Also this marks the squares of "He is Dead" and "Major Character Death" on my Batman Bingo Card.

He was pretty certain that the last scream that had been torn from Dick’s lungs was probably heard throughout the entire maternity ward. And though they had all been normal cries of pain up until that point, this was the first one that had worried Jason. He had heard that scream once before, a long time ago before he had known the kiss of death. The one time he and Dick had been taken together and the idiot martyr had put himself in harms way so Jason wasn’t.

This was different than that instance though. This wasn’t because some sicko was getting knife happy. 

No. This was because there was something wrong. Something so incredibly wrong.

“Jay…” Dick gasped, breaths shallow and heaving. “Jay.” Jason’s hand that was clasped with his mate’s was tugged and he pulled turquoise eyes away from the sight of the doctor and nurses running around the room.

Looking down at Dick, Jason frowned at how pale the older man was. How labored his breathing was. This wasn’t right. Something was wrong.

It was all he could think. The scent of concern was filling the room and though he wanted to listen to the whispered conversation between the doctor and the head nurse, Jason’s attention was brought back to his mate.

“I’m here,” he said, placing an unsteady hand against Dick’s pale cheek. His skin was clammy and far cooler than Jason thought it would have been, given the sheen on his brow.

“I need you to promise.” Frowning, Jason gave a shake of his head. Promise what? “I need you to promise that you’ll save the pup. That you won’t pick me over the pup if it comes down to it. Please, please promise me.”

Shooting a look at the doctor and nurse who had paused their conversation to watch the one happening between him and his mate. He sent them a confused look before looking back down to Dick. “I’m not going to promise that. You’re going to be fine. He is going to be fine.”

“Please, Jay,” Dick whispered.

“No,” Jason said firmly, shaking his head. “No. I’m not promising that. There’s no point. I refuse.” He hated the sad smile that Dick was giving him now. Why did he look like he knew something that Jason didn’t? Why did the doctor and nurse resume their hushed conversation over by the monitors? Why was the smell of worry so strong now?

“Sirs,” the doctor pulled their attention and Jason glared at the man who looked like he was just as concerned as he smelt. “The pup’s delivery has not progressed as we would like. We think it would be best to consider a cesarian in order to deliver him.”

“But…” Jason couldn’t think. A cesarian meant surgery. It meant cutting Dick open in order to pull their son out. 

He looked down at Dick when he felt the weak squeeze of his hand. “I’m tired Jay. I’m just so tired.” And Jason knew he was silently saying to just let the doctors do what they thought was best. Dick had been in labor for over 24 hours and the exhaustion, physically and mentally, was so strong he could taste it. It was only overpowered by the scent of pain.

Sighing, Jason nodded and looked back to the doctor. 

“We’re getting everything prepped now. The nurse will get you situated with scrubs and washing so you can be in the room.” Jason only nodded and looked back down to his mate.

“Tell Bruce. Let him know what’s happening.”

He didn’t say anything but pulled out his phone and shot off a text to Bruce telling him labor was stuck and they were going to be going into the OR shortly. The response was immediate, which didn’t surprise Jason in the least.

_I’ll let the rest know. How is he?_

Jason considered his mate, who was now laying there with his eyes shut and brows pinched, before he shot off a _Tired_. He didn’t wait to see if Bruce sent anything else, tucking his phone away in his pocket and turning his attention back to his mate. He ran a hand through sweat drenched hair as he listened to the sounds of the team of medical professionals move around them and prep everything.

“Mr. Todd?” Jason’s attention was pulled to a nurse who had a small pile of scrubs and booties in her hands. “Pull these on over your clothes and shoes. Once you’re dressed, I’ll take you to scrub in while your mate is brought into the OR.” Jason nodded and took the items. He saw Dick watching him out of the corner of his eye, so he bent and kissed the top of his head before moving over to the in-suite bathroom to put the scrubs on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_“B…” Jason’s voice had gasped over the line. Never had Bruce heard him sound so broken. “ **He is dead**. Oh god, please….B…Dick, he’s…”_

Bruce wasn’t sure what to do. He was at a complete loss. But he knew he needed to do something. He knew his son needed him to do something. Anything. But what? What could he possibly do to make this any better? What could he do when he himself just wanted to fall apart with the loss of his own child? His very first child.

“Master Bruce,” a familiar, comforting voice came from behind him. Turning to look at the man who had raised him once his parents had died, he tried not to crumple at the sadness that was heavy on his features and scent. “What of the child?”

He cleared his throat and tried to push past the lump that had taken up residence there. “Alive,” he finally got out, voice hoarse with emotion.

The child that had been slowly stripping his eldest son of his life force was alive and the child’s father was not. Looking back to the window on the door he had previously been looking through, he wasn’t surprised to see Jason still slouched over the lifeless body of his mate. Even from this distance he could see the shaking of the younger man’s shoulders. He didn’t need to see Jason’s face to know he was crying.

“What have the doctors said? Can he come home soon, or do they need to observe the pup for some time?” Bruce shook his head because he didn’t know. Only Jason knew anything at this point beyond the fact that Dick had died due to complications from the birth. “I will go see what I can find out. You should go to him.” Bruce clenched his jaw and blinked away tears that he had been working so hard to deny up until then. “He may not know it, but he is going to need his father and that will always be you.”

But that put him right back to where he was before Alfred had arrived. What did he say? What could he possibly say or do to help?

“Just go, B,” another voice spoke up and Bruce didn’t need to look to know that Tim was standing behind him.

“Where is Damian? Has anyone told him?”

Alfred hummed. “I called and spoke with Master Jon. I told him to do his best to keep him as calm as possible, but to bring him home as soon as he could.” If there was anyone who could do that for his youngest, it was certainly Jon Lane-Kent.

“We’ll make sure the others know. Just…Jay needs you, more than anyone else. Don’t worry about us. We will take care of each other,” Tim told him. “But Jason just lost the most important person in his life. He needs someone to carry his weight.”

Bruce’s jaw clenched and he remained watching Jason crying over his dead mate. 

After a moment longer, he steeled himself and headed into the room. The smell of grief and sorrow was so strong it was almost suffocating. And Bruce knew his own emotions would only add to the overwhelming pain that was already in the room.

“Jason,” he said softly, watching the younger man flinch at the sound of his name but not lift his head from the spot it rested over Dick’s now empty stomach. “Jaybird,” he tried again but Jason refused to acknowledge him. So instead of forcing it, Bruce simply walked over and carefully set a hand on his son’s shaking shoulder.

From this spot he could see the almost serene look on Dick’s face. And Bruce couldn’t help but wonder if he had gone peacefully and without pain. Jason had mentioned the labor had not been easy, but Bruce knew for a cesarian there wouldn’t have been pain.

“What do I do, Dad?” Bruce was more caught off guard with the title than the question than he would ever admit. He couldn’t remember the last time Jason had called him anything other than Bruce, B, or some angry slur. “Tell me what to do?”

Jason raised his head and turned red eyes, still streaming tears, onto Bruce with a sort of desperation. But Bruce didn’t know what to tell him. He didn’t know what to do either. Did they try to find some way to revive Dick? Would Damian’s grandfather allow them access to the Pit? Would Dick even want that? 

No. Bruce knew he would never want that.

“Grieve,” was all Bruce could come up with to tell Jason. “You grieve and you love that pup because he’s one last gift Dick gave this world. To you.” Bruce could practically see the thoughts running through Jason’s mind. He could tell the young man was considering the Pit just like he had. And then Bruce could see him come to the same conclusion when his face crumpled further and he turned to bury his face into Bruce’s stomach.

And all Bruce could do was wrap his arms around his son and pray to whatever god was listening to give them all the strength to get through this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was raining, _of course_ it was raining.

Because this day wasn’t hard enough. Because he wasn’t already miserable enough. Because he didn’t already have to worry about the late fall chill getting to the newborn pup he currently had in his arms. Because he didn’t already want to hide away in the only room of the house that still smelled like the person they were putting to rest in just an hour.

Because he didn’t already want to just find a way to join his mate in the ground.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts when someone came to stand beside him as he stared out the windows in the study. Jason didn’t need to look over to know it was Damian. His natural cardamom and clove scent was overshadowed by the grief he was feeling, and Jason hated it. _Dick_ would have hated it.

The two of them had been doing this a lot since the day that had changed their lives forever. Just being near each other because while the family loved Richard Grayson, none of them loved him quite the way Jason and Damian had.

“He was so damn proud of you,” Jason said softly, ignoring the building tears. “So proud of the man you became. Of the life you were building for yourself.” Looking over at the younger man, Jason took in the silent tears trailing his cheeks. A sign of just how far this man was from the ten-year-old who had come into the Wayne household and claimed to be the only heir that mattered. “I know he told you all the time, but sometimes it’s nice to know that the sentiment remained the same behind closed doors. When you aren’t there to hear it.”

He watched Damian take a deep breath and swallow before he opened his mouth, only to shut it when no words came. So Jason just nodded, adjusted James in his arms so he could place an arm around Damian’s shoulders in silent comfort.

Jason wasn’t sure how long they remained there before James decided to start fussing. A glance at the clock said it was time for a bottle and that they would be required to be out for the small funeral that was just for the closest friends and family.

“I’ll take him for his feed,” Damian offered, his voice hoarse. But Jason wasn’t sure if it was lack of use or just the emotional strain they were under. “Give you a little longer before you need to be around anyone. The Kent’s have already arrived, and I heard Clark say that the West’s wouldn’t be long.” Jason sighed and nodded. He had a duty to perform, even if Bruce had made it clear he wasn’t expected to play host. But he knew Dick would have wanted him to.

Damian carefully took James out of his arms and shushed him as he headed out of the room and toward the kitchen. Jason watched him go before turning back to the window to watch the rain fall. He remained there until he knew he couldn’t hold off his responsibilities any longer.

So he slipped his hands into the pockets of his black slacks and headed out of the study toward the kitchen where he would either find Damian and James or he would head out into the back of the property where Dick’s grave was being placed next to Marth and Thomas Wayne’s graves. In the same place where Jason’s own grave had been. It would almost be poetic, if it weren’t so fucking depressing.

“Master Jason,” Alfred greeted him as he stepped into the kitchen. The older man’s voice sounded tired, resigned. And Jason knew he was struggling just as much as the rest of them. How many of them had he buried? “Master Damian took young James out already. I gave him an extra blanket as it seems the rain has stopped but it is still quite chilly.” Jason nodded and looked out the already open door. He could see some people already milling about out there and it made him want to go out there even less.

“Thanks Alf,” he said softly as the old man held out an umbrella to him. “Just in case, right?”

“Certainly, my boy. Though I do believe Master Richard will not allow it to rain on us today.” He knows Alfred means the words to be comforting, but they still make his chest ache. Because, yeah, Dick would be the kind who would insist on sunshine for his own funeral, no matter what version of heaven he ended up in.

Jason took the black umbrella in his hand and nodded. “Even among the clouds, Goldie is getting his way.”

“Quite right,” Alfred chuckled sadly, leading Jason out of the house and onto the cobblestone path. “Quite right.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure you won’t stay at the Manor for a while longer?” Bruce questioned as he helped Jason put bags in the trunk of his car. It made Jason sigh because they had talked about this multiple times already. And while Jason understood why Bruce was pushing it again, it didn’t make it any less irritating. It had been over a month and Jason knew it was time to go. “I just…we liked having you and James home.”

“I know, B,” he said, looking from where he had been making sure a sleeping James was tucked safely in his car seat. “I know and I think I needed to be here after…” He trailed off and looked away from Bruce. “Just after. But I need space. And I need to learn how to be James’ father without the family to lean on.”

He tried not to flinch when Bruce’s hand came to rest on his upper arm, drawing his gaze back to the older man. “But that is why we are here.”

Nodding, Jason sighed. “But the rest still stands. I need to do this on my own. I owe it to James to show him that he’s worth doing it on my own. I owe it to…to Dick’s memory to show them both that James’ birth might have stolen Dick from us, but I don’t love him any less. And having everyone around, willing to take him from me when I need a moment to breathe just makes me wonder if he’ll grow up to think I blame him for everything.”

Bruce’s hand gave Jason’s arm a squeeze before it fell away.

“Besides,” Jason tried to sound more chipper, “I’m just taking him to the penthouse. Not like we’re going far and not like you all won’t be dropping in unannounced whenever you feel like it.” And Jason knew when Bruce gave a small smile, he took it for what it was. An open invitation to come by when he needed to be near his son and grandpup. “And we’ll be here for dinner twice a week at least. Alf made me promise. You’ll see us so much it’ll be like we still live here. Except less baby screams in the middle of the night.”

“And Red Hood?”

“Retired. For now at least,” Jason said firmly. He had discussed it in length with Tim and Damian and they had helped him come to the decision. “For now my focus is on James. And if I decide to go back out some day, I’ll have to consider if I want Red Hood out there without Nightwing or if it’ll be time to be something else.”

Even though Nightwing would eventually fly again. Jason had already given the suit to Damian and told him that Dick would have wanted him to have it. And even if he never wore to mantle and retired it permanently for Dick, he still would have wanted his brother to know it was him he trusted to make the decision.

“Don’t use my retirement as an excuse to adopt another Bat, old man. You gotta chill with that. I don’t think Alfred can handle another hormonal teenager in that house.” He meant it as a joke and Bruce chuckled as if it was one, but he was also serious. Alfred was tired. He was the only one of them who had suffered each and every death. Jason wasn’t sure his heart could take much more.

“I’ll take that under advisement,” was all Bruce said on the matter. And Jason just rolled his eyes before stepping forward to pull him into a hug. “Call us if you need anything. One of us will be there in a heartbeat,” Bruce whispered as he held Jason just as tight as Jason held him.

Jason didn’t reply but when he pulled away, he gave Bruce a nod and a smile that promised he would. 

“See you at dinner on Sunday, B,” he said instead as he slipped into the car to head to his and James’ new home.

**Author's Note:**

> The whole experience of Dick's labor and delivery are completely played off the birth of my first born. I was in labor for 53 hours and then rushed into the OR for an emergency caesarian. I obviously survived, but it was a close call and I did bleed heavily enough that they gave me a transfusion. It was a scary thing. 
> 
> So based on actual events?


End file.
